Maternity Leave is but a distant memory
Tomorrow is my Monday.
Maternity leave is finished and after just two weeks back in the employment saddle, I am now back to work again after being off all over Christmas and New Year.
I feel crazy down. The first day back to work sucks for everyone I know. Let’s just cover some background to explain why I’m being such a drama queen. This will be my third week at my new job since returning to employment at the end of my maternity leave.
It’s just so much harder than I thought it would be.
I’m shy – people that know me will scoff at this because I can talk and shout and sing with the best of them! – maybe shy isn’t the right word. A lot of my posts touch on my mental health in small ways and this is another one of those (I promise I am trying to put together a decent post about this, it’s proving to be tricky for me but I am working on it!) So, to put it another way; I am a person that lacks self-confidence and worries a lot about what people think of me. This usually makes things like starting a new job with lots of new people more than enough to make me panic a tad. Or a lot.
I didn’t expect to find something worse than that.
But leaving that crazy small human that I love so much is heart wrenching. I am currently lying in bed near tears because I don’t want to go. I want to stay at home and get frustrated because she’s throwing all her food on the floor and huff because this is the thirtieth time I’ve retrieved her from the kitchen in the last 10 minutes and stare at her for a whole hour while she naps snuggled up on me in the arm chair. I want to teach her, watch her, help her to grow and I don’t want to miss a single thing. I don’t want to go to work.
It’s not you, it’s me.
I’m not worried about her at all, I know she’s having the best time with Daddy; playing Duplo, eating too much and watching copious amounts of Thomas although all she really wants is to get to the end when Daddy sings the theme tune too her.
No, she’s just fine. I’m being utterly selfish because I want to be doing those things too.
What do we want? Everything! When do we want it? NOW!
I know women fought hard for equal rights and the ability to take time off from work to have a baby knowing that they can return to the same job afterwards. But why do we no longer have the ability to be a stay at home mum? Why is just living – and I mean paying bills, eating and putting petrol in the car, we don’t live a luxurious life of holidays and shopping sprees – so damn expensive that we can no longer afford to stay at home and raise our own children should we wish to?
My husband has a well paid job, certainly above average I’d say, and yet we still couldn’t make it work.
All of this said, I am lucky. I do only work two days a week (I sound like a spoiled brat I’m sure!) but still, my point stands. I’d rather not spend a minute away from Sophia, let alone two long days.
I need some simple humour to cheer me up…
And so here is a comic from Liz Climo, one of the funniest people that just personifies my sense of humour, to cheer me up and make you smile too I hope!